A to Z Theme 2016

For my 2016 A to Z theme I used a meme that I ran across on the blog of Bridget Straub who first saw it on the blog of Paula Acton. This meme is a natural for me to use on my memoir blog. It's an A to Z concept and it's about me. No research and nothing complicated. I'm given twenty six questions or topics to discuss that are about me.

In April I kept my posts short and uncomplicated. In the midst of it all you might learn a few things about me that you didn't previously know.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Remembering Dad

Bob Jackson in a portrait taken sometime in his twenties.

     If my father were still living he would be 93 years old on January 14th.  Unfortunately he passed away 25 years ago when he was a mere 67 years of age--two years older than I am now.  Somehow that age of passing sticks with me.  It's like a milestone that I must pass in order to make it to an older age like 93 or more.   Once I've made it past 67 I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief  and move on into the future with more confidence about living to an old age.

       My father was a pretty cool guy.  Everybody seemed to think so.  Part of his coolness was his juggling skill and another part was his sense of humor.  He liked to laugh and he liked to make people laugh.  That's probably one of the things that led him to go into show business.  He loved being on stage to entertain people.

        Bob Jackson performed his juggling act up until the last year of his life when a series of infirmities began to weaken his body and diminish his spirit.  I sensed that something was happening in that last year, but the severity of it all wasn't fully realized until a few months before his death on September 9th of 1990.   In July of that year he managed to make it to one final jugglers' convention.  His presence there was more like a farewell than a participatory event like past conventions where he  had juggled with the younger folk with nearly as much enthusiasm as they had.  He was beloved by the jugglers who knew him and sought out by those who didn't.

        Since he was my father I guess I tended to take him for granted much of the time.  He was a great provider and a good example to his children.  He worked a regular job with diligence and pursued his avocation of show business with a passion.  My father never pursued anything halfheartedly and attempted to instill this within all of us. The man had an exuberance for living and a curiosity for the world in which he lived.

        I was often intimidated by him as he could come across as a taskmaster.   Later in my life--and even during those times when his presence loomed over my formative years--I understood what he was attempting to instill within his children even though I was not always fully on board with his agenda.   He had it right when I often didn't.

        In those later years of his life, as I was bringing my own children into the world and acquiring a better understanding of fatherhood, I began to feel an alignment with my father and what he represented.  Oh, we still clashed on certain generational things, but overall I began to see how I was becoming my father.  The old feuds of differing opinions began to melt as we seemed to become closer to being peers and friends rather than father and son.  We were both heading toward an old age where the parent/child relationship becomes somewhat blurred.

        Before it all ended I took opportunities to thank my dad for the values he taught me and the experiences he brought into my life.  I was glad that I was able to do that.  Any perceived enmity between us faded into a mutual respect and toleration.  We were never the same people during our lives together and yet now much of who he was is who I am.  In many ways I feel that I fall short of what he accomplished in his life, but I think he would be pleased with where I have been in my life and where I am now.   He did the best he knew how when it came to living life.  I thank him for being that special man.

        Did you have a good relationship with your father?    Do you see a part of your parents in who you are now?   Were you rebellious when you were growing up?

18 comments:

  1. I had a much better relationship with my dad than my mom. I am still angry that he died first and saddled me with her. I was rebellious, definitely. Not to any major extreme, but yeah, I was rebellious.

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    1. JoJo, I think many of us are rebellious at some point in growing up.

      Lee

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  2. Nice tribute to your Pa, BIRD.

    As Mark Twain famously said: "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

    >>... Did you have a good relationship with your father?

    We had a great relationship. He was a great Dad when I was a kid, and when I became an adult, he was one of my very, very best friends.

    One day, for no apparent reason, I felt the Spirit move me and I just blurted out, "I LOVE YOU, PA!"

    About two or three weeks later, at the age of 66, he was dead of a sudden, peculiar illness that just shut his whole body down. And he'd been in pretty much an induced coma for most of that time.

    We weren't the type to SAY "I love you". It was obvious and understood. But I often think back on that moment when the Spirit of God inspired me to state the obvious with such little time left in which to say it.

    >>... Do you see a part of your parents in who you are now?

    I was recently telling Beer Boy Bryan that my feisty streak and ability with words comes from my Ma, but my freewheeling wacky sense of humor and love of black comedy comes from my Pa.

    >>... Were you rebellious when you were growing up?

    Nope. I'm much more rebellious NOW!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. STMcC, our family wasn't much on saying "I love you" either, but I think maybe it was something in that generation. My kids and I have no problem expressing our love in words. I never doubted my parents love for me even though it was never really spoken.

      Lee

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  3. Funny...


    Probably the only thing your Dad and mine had in common was their age at death. And when we we the same age, your father passed and my son was born.

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    1. CW, my youngest daughter was born a year and a half before my father died so at least he got to see all of his grandchildren.

      Lee

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  4. Nope, I did not get along with my Dad at all. Head-butting all the way. I was a headstrong first born girl, and not the son Dad wanted. Very much a chauvinist type father, we disagreed on almost everything, and I left home right after graduating, went to college and never moved back home. I did see him before he passed in his mid fifties, but my siblings (a younger brother and sister) thought more of him than I did. I consider all those who had a loving dad very lucky. I lived an uneasy truce with my dad, which made the bonding with my mom that much more important.

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    1. DG, my father and I had plenty of head-butting through the years, but I guess the years mellowed both of us out. I'm sure your dad loved you more than it seemed.

      Lee

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  5. Hi Lee - I admired my father greatly and more so now - as I reflect back. Sadly life wasn't that easy ... but I spent time with his brothers and sister in later life - that made it easier in some ways. I'm glad you've had the time with him and saw how his wonderful juggling act worked and succeeded.

    It's good to remember our parents - cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary, I think it's easier to admire our parents more when we are older and where they were.

      Lee

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  6. My father and I had quite a few clashes when I was a teenager, but I remember him as a hard-working man who wanted his kids to be perfect. He died at 61 from lung cancer and it was a real shame because he had a lot to give the community and a lot to still teach us young adults. My mom, at age 96+, is in assisted living and is still mentally sharp and making the best of her physical problems. I hope I can be as tough and alert as she is if I make it to that age.

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    1. Patricia, I think a good many teenagers tend to clash with their fathers. Something about that age and what our fathers' hopes are I suppose.

      Lee

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  7. Lee, I had issues with my dad growing up. I was angry with him a lot. It wasn't until I was in my early to mid 30s before I could fully see the picture for what is was, instead of what I thought it was. That's when I finally released my childhood hangups and accepted my dad completely as he is. I've been a happier person in doing this. I definitely rebelled as a kid, but I was real bad. I'm at the point in life where I feel things are good between my daddy and me. Everything in the past is like water under a bridge. Your tribute to your dad is moving and sweet. I'm sure, if he were still alive that he'd be very proud of you today. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post with us.

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    1. Cathy, thank you for your kind words. It's sad when kids go through life resenting their parents. I'm glad that I'm at a point where thinking of both of my parents brings happiness to my soul.

      Lee

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  8. I had a somewhat cordial (definitely not strained) relationship with my father growing up. He was always busy doing extracurricular activities that mostly didn't involve myself or my brother (little league, women's volleyball, softball, etc.).

    It didn't start to improve until he got seriously ill a few years before my daughter was born. Then we did a few things together (minor league hockey games), but ultimately, things stayed at that final level cordiality until the day he passed away.

    I Are Writer!

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    1. GB, it's said when sickness sets in and stops the relationship.

      Lee

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  9. I love this Lee. Made me cry. You and your family will always have a place in my heart. I will never forget your Father teaching me to juggle pins. Scared me to death. He also pushed me further in my faith and for that I will be forever grateful. He was a good man.

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    1. This makes me feel happy to hear. He was a very good man. Scary sometimes, but often fun and very decent.

      Lee

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